Whinings, Wisdoms and Whims of Me

Inventory of Being

2009-01-25T23:20:00.004-05:00

I am Natasha.
I am 25 years old, a quarter of a century!!
I am a person who makes mistakes often, loves people deeply, makes life changes frequently, and is thankful for Gods peace always.

When I stand next to my brothers it is not as evident as it once was that I am the oldest. But I still get to hold the "princess" title in the family. I have hazel eyes that change to either green or brown depending on my mood. I have shortish brown hair, that was bleached and turned pink.(in spots, but not like a leopard)

I have been through and learned from many trial and tribulations, conquered disasters and relied on friends and family to get me through.(to these people many thanks!!)

I love Margie's butterscotch-peanut butter-marshmallow- fudge, bbq's with friends, Melissa's chili and Mom's veggie bars.

I am a daughter.
I am an older sister.
I am a granddaughter.
I am a niece.
I am a cousin.
I am a friend.
I am a roommate.
I am a neighbour.
I am a baker.
I am a lamb among the wolves.

I love s'mores by the fire and seeing the sights from the top of the Ozarks.

I enjoy living in Hamilton, but have found a lot of hate in my heart for "Steel City".

I love comfy chairs and pillows, hard wood floors and beautiful windows. I could not live in the hills but have found that across the universe is where my dreams lie.

I believe that people have the right to dream, and dream big. I hope that the changes being made in society today are changes that will continue the hopes and dreams for a future generation not squash them.

I am excited to live in a pocket, that is to live in a neighbourhood where deep community can take place.

I believe that the journey of 1,00 miles must begin with the first step, and am grateful that unlike Jesus I can travel those miles in funky footwear! I think that we as people need to be more conscience of what we are being and where it is coming from. That we need to be reminded that Jesus (the biggest gift we will ever be given) was born into shit and still managed to bring Shalom to a world that desperately needs it.

One twillighted night changed my life. It brought me back down to the skin and bones of whats important in life.

I am trying to establish boundaries in relationships that are not healthy; and am finding it very hard to stick to my guns.

I love my mom. I have a good one and am lucky to still have her be apart of my life. Someone who I lean on, cry to, complain to and admire. It is through friends loss that I realize just how truly lucky I am. To her, I love you, to them, I love you!

I again slept in a park one dark knight with a smile on my face. Trying to help bring attention to the very real concern of homelessness in Hamilton.

I have been supported and loved much this year, and need to be reminded that there is not measure in this love, no paybacks; just simply to love and support others in return.

I am thankful to many nameless and named people for protecting my country and my freedom.
I know that it is not just their lives that they put at risk, but the lives also of their families. But I still hope to hear one day that war is over, peace found and love lived in every ones hearts not hate.

I stood under the mistletoe waiting to be kissed, but alas my prince did not come. So I wait knowing that when it happens it will happen and loving living life in the meantime.

I realize that this year pretty much changed everything. That it is easy to admit defeat, but that to pick yourself back up with the help of family and friends throwing you life lines can be rewarding in its own right.

So fare thee well friends of the past; thanks for the help, love and support. Watch out friends of the future for good times and bad times are coming at you, of that I am certain. And for you, those dear sweet fools that have had my back and are still along for the ride, buckle your seat belts. I am sure that the roller coaster has much more track and that its sure to be an interesting adventure; one filled with hills and valleys, loves and losses, joys and sorrows.

At a stop-loss,

My name is Natasha and its the year 2008!

To be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known

2008-09-30T01:47:00.004-04:00

This Sunday at church Pernell shared with us a video based on the scripture about the woman at the well. It spoke to me in a way that I can't even really describe... Here is the link on youtube
Hope that you are able to ask and give water this week.

Where or Where Did the Summer Go?

2008-07-29T20:23:00.002-04:00

I cannot believe that summer is more then halfway over already. It just seems like yesterday that it was starting... I hope that you all are enjoying your time in the sun and that you continue to make memories that will last you in the cold months to come...

Preocupied Peace

2008-05-27T15:09:00.002-04:00

So lately my mind has been preocupied to say the least. Worry and stress right there on the forefront of my wee little brain. However I can honestly say that over the last 24 hours I have experienced peace. As I was comming home from work late last night I randomly ran into work friends on the bus and it occured to me that I work with some crazies... but that we/they form our/their own little caring community. And I think that is pretty great! Its not very often that you like and start to care for the people that you work with the way our society is.
Secondly walking home I walked past a Lilac tree. There is something about the smell of lilac's that brings peace to my soul. If only for a fleeting moment.
It reminds me that we need to relish in those small fleeting moments of peace or restoration to our souls. For it is these small things that will remind us of the light in the darkness.
It will remind us of the compassion and love that God has for us. It will heal us when we aren't even aware of quite how broken we are.
I hope that all who read this will be able to smell their lilac's this week!

Never Fully Understood

2008-04-23T01:03:00.003-04:00

I don't think I ever really understood the ramifications of what one action/accident has.

For those of you reading this that have no idea what is prompting the writing of this I suppose I should explain a little first.

Last Wednesday I was in a car accident. ( I wasn't hurt and am ok)

But its amazing to me what it changes. The effects that it has on everything... how emotional it is for everyone. How tiring, scary, unsettling, and just down right awful.

I am thankful that no one was hurt. I am more thankful for amazing and compassionate friends.

I am scared, nervous, worried, thankful,loved, cared for, anxious and unsure.

One accident. Millions of emotions. One action. Multiple reactions.

One girl... a mess.

My Trip to the US

2008-04-12T01:19:00.005-04:00

As many of you know or may have guessed I am a bit of a home body. What I mean by that is that I haven't really been anywhere all that exciting and generally stay in my own little bubble.

Well, a few weeks ago I went on a little trip to the US. I started in Toronto, flew to Charlotte, North Carolina, then flew to Fayetteville, Arkansas.

My grandfather had been vacationing there for the month of March and he picked me up from the airport and we drove to the Promise Land Resort, located off of Bull Shoals Lake.

I am sorry to say that I fell asleep on the way to the resort... but a girl needs her beauty rest after being up for almost 24 straight hours.

I did see some amazing views... it was spring like there... beautiful dogwood trees, mistletoe growing in the tops of trees, tons and tons of deer and many others.

I also experienced the infamous Cracker Barrel, and Bob Evans... ate the white gravy, biscuits and delicious fried apples.

I had a great time... on the drive back I got to use my geography skills by reading state maps and all I have to say about that is that I am thankful that we didn't get lost.

I feel like I have seen a little bit more of the world. I guess traveling (especially going through 10 states in 5 days) will do that to you. The picture is of the resort looking out to the lake. I haven't gotten my own pictures developed yet, soon though!

Now I have the traveling bug... I wonder where I should go next???

Finished

2008-03-09T21:20:00.002-04:00

So I have finished my first and second Chemo Cap. Now what is a chemo cap you might ask?... Well a Chemo Cap is something that I have been knitting lately for charity. Basically how it works is people have donated yarn to be used for charity. My friend and I have been using it to knit caps for chemo patients. Basically what happens is we knit them and my friend takes them to a place where they distribute them... its pretty cool. I get to learn to do something new and it goes to a good cause. Plus we get to come up with some cool and crazy looking hats.

I have gotten right into or rather on the knitting wagon again... I am also working on an afghan and some scarfs.

I mean what's a girl to do when there is like 3 feet of freaking snow outside?

To Use or Not to Use

2008-01-28T13:20:00.000-05:00

So I was minding my p's and q's the other day at work when a guy came into the store and while checking out noticed that I had a Nalgene bottle on the counter. He proceeded to inform me that I shouldn't be using it as many retailers have been pulling them off of the shelves because they have been recalled. They apparently are being recalled because a component in the plastic is secreting into the liquid that you drink and has some pretty serious side effects. So the question is do you you keep drinking out of something that will or may be causing you harm... I mean I still use the microwave, sit in the sun and eat bad food.... How bad is it really?
I found a link to the globe and mail that has an article with some more information.
My moral jury is still out on this one though.

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008

2008-01-24T17:54:00.000-05:00

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky . Not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00
and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought For 2008 :
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease
is located among millions and millions of cows in America,
but we haven't got a clue where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.
Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration.

Really Long Time

2008-01-20T01:04:00.000-05:00

So its been a really long time since I blogged and I thought I would correct it by telling you about my trip to visit a friend of mine that I also hadn't seen in a very long time.

So last weekend I did a spur of the moment thing. I took an 16+ hour journey to visit my friend Bradley and his wife Christine. It was the first time in about 3-4 years that I had seen Bradley and the first time ever that I met his wife.
It was a really good time. Bradley is in the Military. He is apart of the Royal Canadian Dragoons. He did a tour in Kandahar Afaganastan last year which he had lots to talk about.(Both good and bad) It was very eye opening for me in a lot of ways but also cool to meet his wife and catch up. I am still recouperating from the bus rides there and back but as Bradley said its nothing like being in a tank overseas. (just a das of perspective)
I have some other pictures of the tanks and such that I got to see in the hanger, and maybe if you are lucky I will actually remember to post again and will have them up here.

This trip made me think and process a lot of stuff....And I want to express my appreciation for those who have risked their lives for our Country. I also wish to express my condolences to the families who have lost people, and to the families who go without their loved ones for months at a time while they are on tour. It takes some kind of super strength to do what you do.

On a side note, I also wanted to mention how deeply blessed I am to have a warm house to live in and clothes to wear. Along my journey I was in TO and was put face to face again with how much homelessness is an issue. Last weekend it wasn't as cold as this one, and I just hope and pray that everyone makes it through safe.

Thats all....

Holidays so Far....

2007-11-11T23:49:00.000-05:00

So I am writing this post in the very chilly Barrie. It is freaking FREEZING up here batman.
Anyway, I thought that I would write a brief list of some of the interesting things I have done so far,

Took a bus from Hamilton to Kitchener where it hit me just how much homelessness is an issue.
Met up with Grandma Jane for the long drive to Chatsworth where my super great Grandfather had warm chicken stew waiting.
Slept in, did a whole lot of nothing, went for a walk in some pretty great clothing (pictures will be posted when I get back to Hamilton)
Sorry in advance to all my veggie head/animal activist friends out there for this one... but, I helped my Grandfather and his friend Atch who had shot a deer prepare and package the venison.
Walked along a Remembrance Day parade and then to an open air service

Hung out with My uncle and watched a movie....

So far its been a pretty good holiday... only a few more days left but don't worry there is still lots of crazy family to visit! More events and pictures posted soon.

Almost on Holidays

2007-11-07T23:58:00.000-05:00

So I only have one more shift at work and then I am on Holidays for 6 days, WHOO HOOO!
The last few weeks have been crazy busy but not too shabby.... good times last weekend with Jenny Jo's housewarming and Jr Youth group. Sorry that I missed the art opening though.
I have the feeling that my time off is also going to be mad crazy busy... but I am looking forward to spending some time with the fam.

Freeway Retreat

2007-10-22T12:18:00.000-04:00

Some pictures from the retreat... I had a blast as I hope everyone that was there did... there are lots more pictures that will evenutally make their way onto facebook or here but these ones are some of my favourites. Top is Lucas and I, we were car buddies on the way to and from the retreat... we spent time making super hero's such as Super Biff and Ball Boy and ate tons of candy. Next is Melissa and Miranda... love them for letting me take pictures even with the super bright flash. Next is most of the crew (missing Pernell who is taking photo) on our hike on the last day... it was sooo beautiful. Followed by the picture of the two Luke's how cute are they.... And lastly one of Pernell and Eden also very adorable. I enjoyed so much hanging out with you all. Thanks for the thoughts, discussions, laughs and memories!

Guess Who

2007-10-09T22:01:00.001-04:00

Not just your neighbourhood Spiderman!

Happy Thanksgiving (Belated but Sincere)

2007-10-09T19:31:00.000-04:00

T'was the night of Thanksgiving,

But I just couldn't sleep.

I tried counting backwards,

I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned,

The dark meat and white.

I fought the temptation,

With all of my might.

Tossing and turning,

with anticipation.

The thought of a snack

became infatuation.

So I raced to the kitchen,

flung open the door,

And gazed at the fridge,

full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey,

and buttered potatoes,

pickles and carrots,

beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling,

so plump and so round,

'til all of a sudden,

I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling,

floating in to the sky,

with a mouthful of pudding,

and a handful of pie.

But I managed to yell

as I soared past the trees,

"Happy eating to all"

pass the cranberries, please!!

May your stuffing be tasty,

May your turkey be plump.

May your potatoes and gravy

have nary a lump.

May your yams be delicious,

May your pies take the prize.

And may your Thanksgiving dinner

Stay off of your thighs !!

2007-09-18T13:48:00.000-04:00

Stories and thoughts on people from the last little while....

Benji:
About 2 weeks ago a customer came into the store absolutely furious that we said he had not returned his movie, and suggesting that maybe it was misplaced either in his home or somewhere in the store could he go home and check and we would double check the store as well, figuring that it would turn up eventually... he started swearing, yelling and the like and basically making an ass of himself... Upon me asking him to leave, he calls me a bunch of really nice names... he storms out. A few days later he makes his way back into the store still upset (you could tell) but he doesn't say anything... he proceeds to go up and down the aisles unitl he actually finds the movie (it was in the freaking TV section)...Mistakes happen I realize and I apologize to the guy who says nothing.... Another few days go by and Benji comes back into the store to apologize for what he said to me and how he acted... moral of the story.... don't result to cussing and namecalling as a first option when there is a problem...it usually will work itself out and then its just weird.

Krista:
Krista the wonderful person that she is went up to Barrie with me on Sunday to take the family's pictures...it was entertaining to say the least... its a little nerve racking to have your two worlds (Hamilton and Barrie) intermix like that... I am sure that the photo's will be great and I look forward to looking at them... It had been like 10 years since my mom, brother and I had our pics taken together and we have never done a whole family picture so it was fun....
THANK YOU KRISTA YOU ROCK!!!!!!!

Chuck:
Chuck is someone who used to go to the youth group way back in the day. It's amazing to me how we can go soo long without seeing them and then start to hang around again and realize how much you miss that person...Chuck is awesome and I look forward to hanging out with him...thanks for your friendship.

Bradley:
Bradley is a friend of mine who I got to know really well in a time in my life that was really bad. He is in the military in some capacity and recently I have been able to talk to him because he was on post-traumatic stress leave after returning from Afganastan. His life is soo different and he has opened my eyes in soo many ways to what has gone on over there. I am hoping to hook up with him sometime within the next week or so... he is supposed to be comming to Hamilton to handle a fallen officers affairs...its funny how you have people in your life that you can talk to everyday about random things got months, years without speaking and pick right up again... thats the way it is with us and I look forward to seeing him.

I am sure that there are others that I could mention here, like hanging out with Melissa and helping her get her class set up, chillin' at the Goodyears, chopping wood at my grandpa's, missing Kevin, all the crazy people from work... but thats all for now folks

Thoughts

2007-08-16T02:46:00.000-04:00

So as I sit here in the wee hours of the morning it hits me that I am blessed beyond measure. I have great friends, I attend an amazing church that I love being a part of, and I know that my family will always be there for me. And it occurs to me.... man I don't want to screw any of that up.
They last few weeks have been absolutely great with hanging out with people and actually thinking about the future a bit.... but I mostly I am scared.
I am scared to put myself out there, to actually make and achieve goals (besides the laundry)to actual start to live life instead of figuring out what I want to do with it.
But where do you start? How do you flip that switch and go for it not knowing what that it is?
I am not too sure if any of this makes sense but hey its like 3am what makes sense now anyway.
Thank you all for bearing with me as I put out there my big questions on life... I feel like this is a time of change and although I have absolutely no idea what or when any changes are going to occur I am praying that they will be good. That God will be present in them and that I can continue doing it with all you all.

Sidenotes, Happy belated birthday to the baby bro the big 1-5! Happy Birthday Chloe!

Warm Fuzzies

2007-07-17T01:00:00.000-04:00

So I know its been a while since I posted but hey thats the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

The reason why I post this is because I had two great experiences today that I wanted to share with you all and make a challenge to everyone out there in blog land.

I think that we need to receive and give warm fuzzies to each other more often. Now for those of you wondering I haven't completley lost my mind... warm fuzzies do exsist... they exsist in kind words, encouragement, uplifting, thank yous and affirmation....

At work today I was affirmed by the owner of the company... kinda caught me off guard but its nice to see that someone recognizes the time and effort you put into your work....I also received an email of thanks that wasn't necessary but appreciated .... these two things got me to thinking (I know you all smelt the burning smell right??) how easy it is to get and give the warm fuzzies to those around you...

So here is the deal today or tomorrow or whenever you read this... take 5 minutes of your time and randomly or not so randomly thank, acknowledge or praise, encourage or flat out love one person.... you will feel the warm fuzzies start to creep up as you think of how great they are and they will feel them too. IF you are really nuts keep doing it... every day pick a new person...or every week send an email to an old friend... spread the warm fuzzies....

Side note the pic is of some of the great people I work with....Left to Right is Bobby, Sam, Shannell and Jenn (MIA is Sue).... Just thinking of how crazy they are makes me smile...

Warm fuzzies to you all

Platform 9 3/4

2007-06-17T21:55:00.000-04:00

So I just finished reading a book and in part of it there is a reference to Harry Potter and the platform at the train station that they use to board the train to take them to Hogwarths.

"There is a solid brick wall between the cold logic of platform 9 and platform 10- but if you run at it the right way, you break through into another world; a magically messy world of compound fractions. If logic rules the day, our world is lost. But if there is another world between the lines, a world in which a kindly headmaster can declare us safe, then there is hope. That's magic. That's spirituality. That's resurrection!" Gerard Kelly

Ever have one of those moments where its like EUREKA! it makes sense.... for some reason this little paragraph helped me make more sense of the magic that is God this week....I hope that it makes you think too.

Ever Wonder

2007-05-09T19:41:00.000-04:00

Do you ever wonder?
I have had a lot of wondering moments within the last few days...

Awkward

2007-04-26T11:04:00.001-04:00

So for the most part working at the video store is pretty good. The people that rent and the staff/owner are all really great.
That being said I had a really awkward experience yesterday evening. So we have an adult room at the store. This guy come in and asks where it is... he goes in and is in there for like an HOUR and then come ups to the front with his selections. The Conversation goes like this

Me: Hi there, how are you today?
Guy:Good thanks.
Me:So you are purchasing these ones then(there was 3 there)
Guy: Well I want you to tell me about them first.

WTF what would I know about your selections... I stay away from that room as much as possible... it ended up that he wanted to know about costs and stuff but still....

He ended up being in the "happy room" for a good 2 Hours before making his final selections and leaving....

I find it hard with situations like these... I don't think of myself as a prude or anything... but I also would rather not have anything to do with those movies....

I find it funny when people with these type of movies leave the store as well, What does one say? If you were renting a normal movie I would say something like have a good night or enjoy your movie.... but I can't bring myself to say that to people renting from the "happy room" without it becoming something different.

Hope you can smile at my awkward moment

Movies

2007-04-11T20:06:00.000-04:00

Movies worth watching....(well my 2cents worth anyway)
Bobby
Dreamland
Blood Diamond
Who Killed the Electric Car
A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints
Happy Feet
Pursuit of Happiness
The Departed

Remembered

2007-04-11T20:01:00.000-04:00

I have been curious lately about life and how we choose to live our lives and I want to ask this question. So if you have stopped by this blog for any reason or for no reason, I would really like you to let me know what you think.
What is it that you wish to be remembered for? Do you think that you have achieved that or do you think that it is something that you are trying to obtain still?
Thanks

Strength Surrendered

2007-04-02T19:49:00.000-04:00

As long as I can remember I have pictured my Great Aunt Willa as a small but mighty woman. She has had numerous bouts of cancer and treatments. I would say that for at least the last decade or more of her life she has battled with or been in remission from one form of cancer or another and has won. She has fought it off and lived to tell the tale of survival of a hideous desease that hits hundrends of thousands of people. That was until Sunday. I got the email a few weeks ago that she wasn't doing well and that it was just a matter of time... I guess that this time... it was time...her strength just simply surrendered.
Peace be with her finally, peace be with my cousins, as they say goodby to their mom, my Uncle Fred as he says goodbye to his wife and my Grandmother and Aunt Grace as they remember their sister; one of the bravest and strongest women I know.

What Sucks....Whats Great...

2007-03-06T14:20:00.000-05:00

So here are a few things that have sucked and been great over the last week....

What Sucks....

Volunteering at a coffee house when you have given up Caffiene for Lent.

Getting stopped by a train when you are on your way home from work at 1 in the morning. Stopping realizing its a long train... wait patiently to have the train stop while still in front of you... waiting for train to start again you realize that you are only 2 minutes away from home and any way that you drive the likelihood of the same train being in the way is very high.

People who give you a hard time when you are doing them the favour.

Whats Great

Being able to volunteer at a great place like the FRWY.
Getting fun emails from friends about happy times ahead.
Hanging out with kids.

Movies and Stuff

2007-03-04T13:06:00.000-05:00

So now that I am working for a movie store I get to watch a lot of movies. I watched a movie called Unknown this morning. It was very good. The premise is these five men wake up in a locked-down warehouse, none of them able to remember how they got there or even who they are. They soon realize that they were all part of a kidnapping - without having the slightest idea of which side they were on. You should watch it its a gooder.

I also watched My Girl witch is a classic that always makes me cry. I hate it when Thomas J dies.... soo sad.

Birthday Wishes go out to Rich... Happy Birthday... hope you have a great day...

Snow Fun

2007-03-03T23:29:00.000-05:00

So the other day after all that snow hit, Paige and I went out and played. I think that playing in the snow is one of the things I miss the most since living in Hamilton rather then in Barrie. I love that I have soo many great memories of snowball fights, fort and snowman building and sledding. I hope that our ever increasing global warming doesn't ruining those memories for other generations.
The picture is of Paige and our snowman.

Hope

2007-02-26T16:20:00.000-05:00

The past is a source of knowledge, and the future is a source of hope. Love of the past implies faith in the future.-----Stephen Ambrose

There is lots to be said about hope.... to have hope or to lose it.
I would say that until recently I was hoping beyond hope for prayers to be answered with life choices. Now its not as if I have any astounding answers by any means... but its seems to me that just as I was giving up the hope that I had been clinging to.... the spark burst into flame. Its amazing to me how life works out like that. How just when you think that you are at your wits end something happens and it all works out.

Now I have no idea of whats to come or what will happen but I look with hope into the future that it is way beyond me and that it will work out the way it is meant to....

Beautiful

2007-01-16T19:35:00.000-05:00

I am not sure how many of you were able to be outside today but it was beautiful in the east end. As I was driving in the icicle land today it was hard not to be awed by the landscape it was truly beautiful. I hope you all had a great day.

Quote

2007-01-15T22:49:00.000-05:00

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
Ralph Waldo Emmerson

I have been thinking alot lately about what is important to me in my life. I think that through all of my thinking I am starting to come to peace with some stuff. Not all of it mind you but baby steps in the right direction hopefully. Anyway, this quote kind of put better into words what I was thinking. I have to remind myself to look inward before I can go outward.

My Hero

2007-01-11T01:25:00.000-05:00

Kevin was my hero tonight. The car broke down and I was stranded... well I was left by my lonesome at the gas bar... and Kevin came and saved the day!!!! I have decided that he is supercalafragilisticxpaladocious....He is great!!! THANKS KEVIN you are great!!

Inventory of Being

2007-01-03T13:09:00.000-05:00

I am Natasha.
I am twenty-three years old.
I am a person with feelings, who loves her family and friends.

If I stand straight and tall, it seems that I have shrunk from who I once was;
either that or my baby brothers are giants.
I have brown eyes that change with my moods,
and nut brown hair that only knows that it's nut brown from pictures and the roots that grow in occasionally.

I am a woman, a girl and a child,
almost grown up, but still always learning.

I love my Mom's mac and cheese, Margie's meatloaf and Carolynn's lasagna.
I officially have no extra metal in my mouth so I can enjoy them all even better.

I am a daughter.
I am an older sister.
I am a graddaughter.
I am a neice.
I am a cousin.
I am a friend.
I am a barista.
I am a border.
I am a lover not a fighter.

I love oragne spice white tea and think of Amber everytime I drink it because it reminds her of Thanksgiving and Christmas morning everytime she smells it.

I love green sparkled flowers, and still can't stand spiders.

I can't wait for the Irrestible Revolution and I hope that one day we can all be Blue Like Jazz.

I love cozy chairs and comfy blankets.

I love cookbooks and romance novels.
I believe that Jesus died for me and that there is no way that I could ever thank him enough.

I believe that all children should believe in something bigger then humanity.

I love looking at old photographs and hope that one day Grandma's scrapbook will actually be finished.

I love my triple ring, that serves as a reminder of the many relationships in my life and how we are all conected.

I have great hopes for the future.
But also great hopes for today.
I try to live in today, for none of us really knows what tomorrow will have in store.

I believe in equality for all; men and women, white and black, old and young.

I have learned what "REAL" chinese food is and find it hard to go back.

I have met some amazing people that have taught me alot about frinedship.

I still live like a mess; but I think it's just becasue that is who I am.
At least I know where my stuff is... most of the time.

I have an amazingly crazy family and I love each one of them for it.

I know what its like to make hard rational decisions and then to actually have to live with them.

I have witnessed through friends the understanding of hardship, grace, courage and hope.

I will continue on this Pursuit of Happiness in hopes of Finding Neverland in my dreams.

I need to be afirmed, loved and cared for.
I also need to afirm, love and care for those around me more.

I took a trip to Oz and am still alive to tell the tale.
The flying monkeys didn't get me and the wicked witch left my dog alone.

I have come to care for people and find it much more rewarding then caring for myself.

I believe that the love of my life is out there, and I hope that he is a good and kind man.

I believe that God challenges us to be better people then we are.
That if we all stopped and really thought about what that meant we would all come to try to be the people that HE wants us to be.
Not the people that WE want us to be.

I have come alive agian with the telling of the fairytales of my childhood.
The princesses of castles, dwarfs, fairy godmothers and the princes who come to save the day.

I know that I don't have any answers, only more questions and I love it.
It means that something so much bigger then me has the answers.

Living in a world where there is No Day But Today!

I am Natasha and its the year 2007.

Feeling like a Push Pin Cushion

2006-11-20T17:40:00.000-05:00

So I have been in the big and wonderfully city of Barrie since friday. I had a doctors appointment with my family physcian. Normally I don't leave his office feeling like I want to punch him out but this time...All I wanted to do was a 123 KNOCK OUT!!!!
So after my appointment I hung around and caught up with some family...it was a surprise to see my great Aunt Grace... she was here and her husband was in Toronto...and they were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Go figure??!!
I went to my grandparents church and there will be more about that later...enough stories from that experience for a post on its own.
Today I made my appointments for blood tests and ultrasounds.
I feel like a push pin cushion. They took 5 yes count them 5 thingys of blood. And that was after having my stomach poked and proded... All I have to say is these tests hopefully will give me the reasons why to the problems... keep your fingers crossed.

NOTE
Pernell...hope your back is better... sorry I couldn't help.
Rich and Jaci... thanks for lending me the car.
Mom and family...thanks for feeding me...
Dr.Dan... Thanks for NOTHING!!!

Lest We Forget

2006-11-10T19:23:00.000-05:00

I find it fascinating what the brain can remember. I mean I can vividly remember things that happened years and years ago. The amount of information that we obtain is huge... and yet more often then not I forget birthdays, anniversarys and other special events. Odd.
The reason why I find this particularily interesting is because every Novemeber 11 I find myself reciting In Flanders Field. I haven't had to look at this poem in years and yet I know every word from elementry school when we had to memorize it.
I am not sure if I have really always known the imporance of war but I have found my self more connected to it within the last few years.
My friend Bradley has been training for the last few years within the marines...he continues to scare the crap out of me with threats of going over seas. That combined with reading more literature about things I have a new heightened sense of needing to be more aware.
I can only imagine what it must be like for the people who have been involved in war... I can't nor do I want to even try to imagine the amount of people that wars have effected over the course of history... whether it be soilders, marines etc... their families, friends and other loved ones... I hope that freedom and peace is something that I never take advantage of...

In Flanders Fields by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
between the crosses row on row,
that mark our place; and in the sky
the larks, still bravely singing, fly
scare heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago
we lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
lovd and were loved,and now we lie
in Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
to you with failing hands we throw
the torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
we shall not sleep, though poppies grow
in Flanders Fields.

Always Amazes

2006-11-07T16:22:00.000-05:00

It always amazes me how easily I can get lost in my own head.
It is often during this time of year... that I go through a self examination of life and this year is no exception.
I feel as if I have made some really stupid moves over this past year. I also feel like I have been really blessed to have family and freinds around me for support.
One of those supports being my mother.
My mother is amazing. She is one of the strongest people I know and has taught me so much. I know that I often forget to thank her for the things that she has done for me, I also know that it isn't very often that I mention her in my everyday conversations.
I think that the reason that happens is because I forget. I know I love her,respect her and admire her... and I forget sometimes that I still need to make that known to her.
It has only been within the last year that I have started to realize how much she has sacrificed and given up for me. At my age she was a single mom of 2 doing it on her own and to be perfectly honest I can't fathom what that would have been like. I can only say with much gratitude that I have been extremely lucky to have her in my life.

I miss home sometimes... miss having the crazy grandparents, uncles and family around the sense of just being me, everyone knowing all there is to know... but I also know that as much as I miss it... I am not done here yet. I still feel called to be here.
I think that's something that I have been struggling with. Mostly because although I feel really connected to the PEOPLE around me... I haven't really felt connected to anything else...
Anyway... thats jsut a few random thoughts and thanks that were way overdue....

The Big D The Finale

2006-10-27T14:53:00.000-04:00

Ok so on Sunday morning we all got up at different times and then started to get ready to load up Burnsy's car. And by load up I really mean LOAD UP. Burnsy did in fact have a few things that had been sent to his parents that he was bringing back. It was around this time that Burnsy disclosed the fact that after Jen and I had gone to bed he went to a coffee shop to check his e-mail. To which I believe is absolutely crazy.
We got all loaded up,cooler and all and headed first to Starbucks. Then Burnsy took us to Detroit. Most of our trip we were in Troy which is a suburb and not what I was excpecting. So when Burnsy took us to Detroit and Greektown it was really neat. We were able to see stadiums and arena's and lots of art. There was the floating arm and the Green Giant to name a few.
I found the Green Giant very interesting. To see a pic go here I think thats it for my Detroit stories...there are more details but its been like over 2 weeks and there are other stories to tell. As it is most of this post has been sitting as a draft and I thought I should put it up. I had a lot of fun going. It was great to hang out with the former palace queen and my new found mexican friend.

The Big D Part Two

2006-10-25T12:28:00.000-04:00

So next in the story line is going out for dinner on Saturday night with Burnsy's parents, his cousins and their children.
We went to an authentic chinese restaurant. As we walk in, Burnsy's parents first then us following, we notice that Burnsy's parents know everyone in the restaurant. Burnsy then turns around and says to me... "Do you notice anything?"
So I look around and then Burnsy points out that the restaurant was basically divided into two parts the first part being closest to the door and then a special back room...the back room was basically like reserved seating. We get ushered through to the back room passing mostly white people. Thats right folks Jen and I were the only two white people in the reserved seating area when we got there. We all sit down at this big circular table waiting for Burnsy's cousins... they bring us tea (it was really yummy) and Burnsy asked for water for the three of us.(Jen, Burnsy and I) The waitress returns with the waters and cutlery for Jen and I. The funny part is that NO ONE asked them to bring us cutlery and they only brought it for the two of us.I couldn't beleive it. Burnsy found this especially funny.
From then on we ate...OH MY GOODNESS did we ever eat. The food was sooo good. There was this big lazy susan type thing in the middle of the table that the food was placed on and you just turned it to get the food you wanted. It was a lot of fun hanging out with the Chen family... Burnsy's cousins are moving and it was really neat to hear them talk about moving.
It was a unique experience for me especially because I am usually a pretty basic food eater. But I tried almost everything and loved most of what I tried. The end of the evening was with ginger ice cream and fortune cookies... which also proved funny. As the cookies are put on the table Burnsy turns to me and says "We never get those" so apparently having the "white chicks" at the table was profitable (if only in cookies) after all.
There are parts of the rest of saturday that need to be mentioned as well...Jen scaring the crap out of Chloe(Burnsy's cousins youngest daughter), Burnsy trying to figure out certain words in spanish, Burnsy's mom falling asleep in the car on the way home doing the head bob,sorting out the soap, watching music video's on Burnsy's Laptop,staying up and talking with Jen and Burnsy and sleeping in a very very comfy bed.
More to come with Burnsy and Jen's excellent adventures...stay tunned!!

Oh for Margie...Jen was wearing a black sweater, black leather coat and black shoes with jeans and a read scarf; Burnsy was wearing a yellow t-shirt and yellow shoes with greyish pants and a camouflage jacket and most of the day I was wearing a red tank, grey shirt and black sweater with jeans and my skater shoes but I changed and put on a white tank and green striped sweater for dinner. I am not sure what all of the waitress's names are but one of the nicest ones at the chinese place was Michelle... And the only time I really remember going pee was in the Caribou Coffee on the way down and at the Chen's house.

The Big D Part One

2006-10-24T17:08:00.000-04:00

So this past weekend I travelled with two awesome friends, Jen and Kevin to Detroit.
I had so much fun. So you will have to apease me, for I am going to tell you all the details.
The trip started on Saturday morning we all met at Jen's house for 8.
I had never been to Jen's house so I get there and I ring the bell and wait. All of a sudden this lady comes to the door (NOT Jen)and it hits me. I am an idiot. I got the street names mixed up and have woke up this poor lady...the lady was very gracious and also happened to know exactly where I was looking for so she sent me on my way and I found Jen's actual house without a problem.
Kevin got there shortly after and we started our journey. We went to Starbucks first to get the neccesary coffee. I had a really yummy bagel as well. We proceeded on our journey. I haven't laughed that hard in such a long time... we crossed the border and were officially in the US.
We continued to a coffee shop called Caribou Coffee. We then went to Kevin's parents house where we met his dad and dropped off our stuff. We all went out for lunch to this pancake house in his dad's van. The van FREAKED me out. It had automatic doors and it scared me. Lunch was really good Jen and I split an omlet and pancakes and I tried some of Kevin's cornedbeef hash.
We then went to a mall so that Jen could hunt down some PROJECT RED apparel. We cruised around for a while and went into an apple store... I think I know what I am going to ask Santa for christmas.
We went back to the Chen's and got ready for dinner. We left and picked up Kevin's mom. Man her reaction to Kevin's hair was sooooo funny. I have a new nickname for him.....Burnsy... he will be known as this now until he fixes the burns!!!!!!
Thats it for part one. More of the full story to tell tomorrow.

Things to be Thankful for

2006-10-12T16:25:00.000-04:00

So I don't identify with all of this... but I do identify with some of it. And I hope you can too...because I think that most of it is pretty bang on... It was sent to me via e-mail. I AM THANKFUL: FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE. FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS. FOR THE TEENAGER WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS. FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED. FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS. FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT. FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME. FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.. FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION. FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM. FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR. FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR. FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD. FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

Smelly the Spandex Man and Margie the Fartinator

2006-09-27T20:28:00.000-04:00

So, because Pernell is so wonderful, he took some time out of his soo busy schedule to make me a blog. So with any luck I wont mess this one up too much.
Thanks Pernell for being soo amazing.
I am not sure how many of you all read Pernell's blog, but I know that I certainly enjoy reading whats going on with him. I think that it must be really hard sometimes to be vulnerable. I know that's something that I totally struggle with. So I particularily enjoy it when he writes from the heart like his some days, other days post.
I know few things in life for certain, one thing that I do know however is that Persmelly the superhero will always have a soft spot in my heart.
You see about 9 years ago I met Pernell (I can't believe its been that long) and Margie in Barrie. I had just been through a crazy period in my life when I met them. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I would not even be here today if it wasn't for Pernell and Margie and the Youth Group. I know that if it weren't for those two people helping me work crap out in my life and showing me that there is more to life then hard times, hatred and people letting you down I would have succumbed to that evilness. Instead, they took the time out for a pesky, pimply faced adolecent girl and taught me love, kindness, compassion and trusting people. You will always be my super hero's... Smelly the Spandex Man and Margie the Fartinator.
Love you both!